Douglas Murray: a celebrity in the dizzying world of far-right fanaticism, anti-Muslim bigotry and all-round hatefulness. A defender of torture and a professional apologist for war crimes, it’s hard not to admire his dedication to supporting everything wrong with the world. It’s as if he has some uncontrollable compulsion to side with Evil over Good; as if his moral compass has been pre-fixed to point in exactly the wrong direction. This unsatisfiable urge to serve the dark forces that reign supreme in the darkest corners of Hell, to lie and deceive and spread misery, is so deeply ingrained within his soul that he’s unable to admit the truth even when the evidence is literally staring him in the face, like that time he claimed what was happening in the Abu Ghraib photographs wasn’t torture.

Not torture, according to Douglas Murray.

This is all old news. But now Douglas Murray is making headlines again. No, he’s not praising some European neo-Fascist movement or trying to get Tony Blair a sainthood; if he was, the mainstream media wouldn’t care anyhow and would continue to invite him onto their shows. This time, he’s in the news because his competition to write a bawdy poem about President Erdogan of Turkey has been closed and the winner announced; it’s none other than establishment loon and former London Mayor Boris Johnson. Here’s the winning masterpiece:

“There was a young fellow from Ankara

Who was a terrific wankerer

Till he sowed his wild oats

With the help of a goat

But he didn’t even stop to thankera.”

What a terrific piece of satire. That’ll teach Erdogan. What’s even more fantastic is Douglas Murray’s accompanying ‘journalism’:

How courageous. Douglas Murray and his band of fearless journalists at The Spectator have used their talents for the good of mankind to take shots at a foreign leader. Never mind about the crimes of the Cameron government and the farcical antics of politicians at home: what we really need is a bunch of British journalists getting together with members of the Tory establishment to make fun of the leader of Turkey. I’m sure the editors of The Spectator can rest easy knowing that they’ve joined a long list of fearless, renegade journalists such as I.F. Stone, Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite, who speak truth to power no matter what. Such heroism, such courage, such conviction. Bravo to The Spectator.

Douglas’s passionate tribute to freedom and democracy is enough to melt the heart of even the most hardened leftie:

“But this award is entirely anti-meritocratic. For myself, I think it a wonderful thing that a British political leader has shown that Britain will not bow before the putative Caliph in Ankara. Erdogan may imprison his opponents in Turkey. Chancellor Merkel may imprison Erdogan’s critics in Germany. But in Britain we still live and breathe free. We need no foreign potentate to tell us what we may think or say. And we need no judge (especially no German judge) to instruct us over what we may find funny”.

Yeah! Truer words were never spoken! We’re not gonna bow before the ‘Caliph of Ankara’! Way to go, Britain! In Britain we still live and breathe free; we’re not gonna let Erdogan dictate to us what we can and can’t say. Fuck you, Erdogan! And all these goddamn German judges trying to instruct us over what we may find funny. Fucking Germans. Oh man, Douglas Murray: what a hero, amirite?! He really showed those bloody foreigners.

And in other news, Britain continues to sell arms to Turkey as they massacre Kurds. The Spectator’s gonna bring this up any day now…